shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I just blew my weed a kiss
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Randomize
