what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
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