I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
