Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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