Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
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