so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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