Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
