dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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