I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Randomize
