I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
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