i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Randomize
