My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Randomize
