Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
