We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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