Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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