Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
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