Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
