Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
