i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
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