I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
