Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
