She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
