note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Randomize
