My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
