Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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