Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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