I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
No more Irish car bombs ever.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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