i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
