i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
