Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
