When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
