I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
