3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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