Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
My vagina just clenched in fear
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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