every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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