bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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