it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
