Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
