The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
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