It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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