Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
