Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
