God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
