It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
