I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
