Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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