Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Who put my cat in the fridge?
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