haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
