So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
