Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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