A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
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