One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
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