GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Randomize
