i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
We had to coat check the pizza.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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