new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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