I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
