***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
