Dude my mom stole all your condoms
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
