Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize
