Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
