So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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