forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
