the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
