Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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